My mom went home last night, after staying here babysitting since last Sunday, and Gypse was working graveyard til 630am this morning, so last night and today I cannot believe the depression that has swept over me! I have cried several times. Looking at my big black ugly bruises, questioning what I've done. Even cried in the bath dreading washing my own hair. I stopped taking my morphine and t3s the other night, but I took some regular strength Tylenol and Ibuprofen. Even my birth control. All mixed in one concoction in a shot glass. Won't be doing that again, horrible horrible flavor flavs.
I didn't eat much today other than a few Ensures (which bother my tummy, Boost is the way to go) and I got desperate and liquified some of last nights casserole, drank about half a cup of that. It was strangely satisfying. I had to also make a huge 4 cup smoothie with banana, frozen peach, frozen berries, yogurt, almond milk and frozen strawberries, just so I could get my strength back up and not feel like I want to faint anymore. I have to strain my smoothies though, otherwise my teeth get all clogged up. Not sure how many rubber bands are holding my mouth closed but it looks like ALOT. On both sides. I took a couple pictures, I look like I got beat up in a huge brawl lol.
There is a bruise goes all the way down the center of my chest to my tank top shirt line. It's a little bit greenish. Hopefully that means it'll only start healing instead of getting worse.
I also have to report that I haven't drank nearly as much water today as I have been all week, which I'm wondering if that is contributing to the fact that my tongue hurts so much and feels lumpy and gross. Almost like it's covered in bumps or blisters. Also, I haven't worn ice packs most of the day yesterday and today but half the day it has felt like my lower jaw weighs 100lbs, and alot of tension inside. Sort of feel like I have horse reigns on. I will be more sensitive the next time I ride a horse. Maybe from no pain meds? And lack of ice? Also feels super hot. Maybe my feeling is coming back.
Anyhow, really hoping I get back to myself soon. I was a cranky bitch today. Here's to a better tomorrow!
Which reminds me! I have an appointment with my surgeon tomorrow! Guess we'll see how things are coming along!!!! I am scared to let them touch me!!
Tomorrow I will post some pre-op stuff. I'll dig up all my pre profile and pre braces stuff. It's getting so late now. My eyes are bloodshot. Time to watch True Blood :)
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